The Behavior Iceberg

Our child’s behavioral responses represent how their nervous system is responding to stress. When a child is having behavioral challenges, it is important to look above and below the surface of the iceberg, so that we can move from “what is wrong with you” to “how can I help?”
When a child’s nervous system does not feel safe; when there is an unmet need (illustrated by behavior) they are telling us that their (big) emotions are getting in the way of being able to cooperate. Their nervous system is asking, “Am I safe? Am I loved? Am I heard?”
If we want to help a child de escalate, we must shift into a compassionate stance. Begin by calming yourself; connect with your child to ensure they feel safe; acknowledge/empathize to show your child they are heard and understood; problem solve solutions and alternatives. When we can prioritize tending to the relationship with our child, rather than simply trying to stop behavior, we can focus on what’s most important, connection ❤️